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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:07 No.1367711   
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Rewriter's Notes:

"A rewritten addition to Jay Naylor's The Itch, the original comic posted here: https://e-hentai.org/g/1003110/015b19687f/

Yeah, it may not the best, the grammar and spelling is not accurate and the dialog may not fit with how the characters act and look but I just improvised the whole thing just to see if anything I wrote down was a lot better than the original comic, and I dare to say that it kind of is."
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:08 No.1367712
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File: page2_3_u18chan.jpg - (182.48kb, 891x1188, page2.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:10 No.1367713
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File: Page3_5_u18chan.jpg - (200.21kb, 891x1188, Page3.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:12 No.1367714
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File: page4_2_u18chan.jpg - (150.19kb, 891x1188, page4.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:13 No.1367715
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File: page5_2_u18chan.jpg - (145.14kb, 891x1188, page5.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:15 No.1367716
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File: page6_2_u18chan.jpg - (121.93kb, 891x1188, page6.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:16 No.1367717
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File: page7_2_u18chan.jpg - (149.23kb, 891x1188, page7.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:18 No.1367718
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File: page8_1_u18chan.jpg - (165.55kb, 891x1188, page8.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:19 No.1367719
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File: page9_0_u18chan.jpg - (170.17kb, 891x1188, page9.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:51:21 No.1367720
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File: page10_17_u18chan.jpg - (130.75kb, 891x1188, page10.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:24 No.1367721
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File: page11_13_u18chan.jpg - (121kb, 891x1188, page11.jpg)

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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:25 No.1367722
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File: page12_13_u18chan.jpg - (97.18kb, 891x1188, page12.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:27 No.1367723
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File: page13_10_u18chan.jpg - (109.43kb, 891x1188, page13.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:28 No.1367724
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File: page14_9_u18chan.jpg - (144.22kb, 891x1188, page14.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:30 No.1367725
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File: page15_6_u18chan.jpg - (141.02kb, 891x1188, page15.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:31 No.1367726
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File: page16_5_u18chan.jpg - (122.94kb, 891x1188, page16.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:33 No.1367727
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File: page17_4_u18chan.jpg - (113.35kb, 891x1188, page17.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:35 No.1367728
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File: page18_3_u18chan.jpg - (125.84kb, 891x1188, page18.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:36 No.1367729
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File: page19_3_u18chan.jpg - (114.24kb, 891x1188, page19.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:38 No.1367730
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File: page20_3_u18chan.jpg - (145.66kb, 891x1188, page20.jpg)
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Jay Naylor - The Itch (Rewrite by TheViktor) Furrynomous 2017/12/29 11:52:57 No.1367731
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File: page21_3_u18chan.jpg - (163.03kb, 891x1188, page21.jpg)

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Furrynomous 2017/12/29 13:33:59 No.1367756
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>>1367731
Good re-write! I'd have to nitpick on the last page, when she says that he's invited to her bed (and she wants him to take her on some dates), as that really doesn't match her emotional state/reaction shot in the last panel, but on the whole, a really good job!
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Furrynomous 2017/12/29 13:40:26 No.1367757
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>>1367711
Overall I think you did a good job. It sure beats JN's dialog any day!

Q: Did you think about doing a little image manipulation and removing some of the dialog balloons altogether? I know, difficult in some places, but possible. You don't necessarily have to fill each space...just a suggestion.
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Furrynomous 2017/12/29 16:15:31 No.1367799
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Amazing, this comic is now actually palatable! :D
Well done! <3
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Furrynomous 2017/12/29 17:06:16 No.1367812
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That was... actually excellent.
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Kajex Surnahm 2017/12/29 17:33:50 No.1367814
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There's a little too much dialogue (less is more in this case), but it's certainly not terrible.
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Furrynomous 2017/12/29 22:42:40 No.1368024
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Here's the thing: what makes this more palatable is that it isnt close to rape. Its more consensual and less forced. That being said, its porn. If you took away the dialogue entirely, it would have more value.

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