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File: take_a_shot01_u18chan.jpg - (410.36kb, 1224x1700, take_a_shot01.jpg) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Take a shot TheSmartHyena 2024/11/06 02:53:41 No.2415713   
By Naive_tabby

https://www.furaffinity.net/user/naivetabby/

https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/naivetabby/folder/1474782/Take-a-shot

Should be 40 pages
Expand All Images
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Take a shot TheSmartHyena 2024/11/06 02:55:26 No.2415714
File: take_a_shot02_u18chan.jpg - (509.67kb, 1224x1700, take_a_shot02.jpg)
Page 2
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Take a shot TheSmartHyena 2024/11/06 02:57:51 No.2415717
File: take_a_shot03_u18chan.jpg - (415.28kb, 1224x1700, take_a_shot03.jpg)
Page 3
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Furrynomous 2024/11/07 03:13:01 No.2415870
Oh no
Another one of "those" stories
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Furrynomous 2024/11/07 14:28:05 No.2415965
Maybe she'll screw Blitzo this time.
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Furrynomous 2024/11/12 11:41:51 No.2416964
File: take_a_shot04_u18chan.jpg - (494.39kb, 1224x1700, take_a_shot04.jpg)
>>2415717
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Furrynomous 2024/11/12 12:27:04 No.2416972
Given the doctors on the cover, are they being taken to be spayed and neutered?
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Furrynomous 2024/11/12 14:32:32 No.2416990
Eh
I love how Tabby draws, and appreciate the effort

But holy shit I'm pretty sure that's not how you write dialogues
It's not how people talk in english neither in real life, nor in good pieces of fiction
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Furrynomous 2024/11/12 14:38:16 No.2416992
>>2416964
The fuck is wrong with Loona belly? O_O''''
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Furpool 2024/11/12 15:02:40 No.2416996
It is kinda funny, but whenever i hear Vortex, i must think about my PC Mod Manager, earlier it was called Nexus Mod Manager, now it is just Vortex 🤣
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Furrynomous 2024/11/13 05:26:42 No.2417089
File: _2024-11-13_142617012_u18chan.png - (123.2kb, 799x561, изображение_2024-11-13_142617012.png)
>>2416992
She's a bit fat now
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Furrynomous 2024/11/14 00:53:23 No.2417168
she's pregnant maybe, and Tex is the father?
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Furrynomous 2024/11/19 10:36:41 No.2417823
Bit of chub never hurt
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Furrynomous 2024/11/19 14:20:20 No.2417841
Ice cream or sweets depression eating? or even honey from beelzebub?

Edited at 2024/11/19 14:23:48
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Furrynomous 2024/11/19 14:30:22 No.2417842
Page 4:
https://files.catbox.moe/5xu4tx.jpg
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Furrynomous 2024/11/19 15:35:07 No.2417849
I don't think she gained weight. I think it's gut displacement from the way she's sitting all hunched over like that.
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Furrynomous 2024/11/19 19:34:28 No.2417868
>>2417849

That was my line of thought too, I didn't even notice it. But then porn isn't my only exposure to the female body.
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Furrynomous 2024/11/22 14:04:54 No.2418836
File: 1732027285.naivetabby_4_u18chan.jpg - (1.11mb, 1224x1700, 1732027285.naivetabby_4.jpg)
>>2416964
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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 10:39:29 No.2420090
>>2416990
Kek. Gotcha, I'll find someone to check dialogues - because my only friend who somewhat is good at english said that those are fine. Tho now I'll be stuck with my writing for some pages, but at least I can try to do better for future pages.

///Blitzo will be screwed, but not by her - too kinky for me, lul
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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:03:54 No.2420167
File: covertakeashot_u18chan.jpg - (4.12mb, 2880x4000, cover+take+a+shot.jpg)

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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:04:15 No.2420168
File: 1_1039_u18chan.jpg - (1.59mb, 2880x4000, 1.jpg)
>>2420167
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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:04:44 No.2420169
File: 2_975_u18chan.jpg - (1.28mb, 2880x4000, 2.jpg)
>>2420167
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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:14:29 No.2420172
File: 3_948_u18chan.jpg - (1.52mb, 2880x4000, 3.jpg)

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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:14:50 No.2420173
File: 4_883_u18chan.jpg - (1.56mb, 2880x4000, 4.jpg)
>>2420172
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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:17:27 No.2420174
File: 5_811_u18chan.jpg - (1.89mb, 2880x4000, 5.jpg)

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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:17:46 No.2420175
File: 6_723_u18chan.jpg - (1.93mb, 2880x4000, 6.jpg)
>>2420174
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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:18:10 No.2420176
File: 7_691_u18chan.jpg - (1.71mb, 2880x4000, 7.jpg)
>>2420174
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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:21:49 No.2420177
File: 8_638_u18chan.jpg - (1.36mb, 2880x4000, 8.jpg)

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Furrynomous 2024/11/25 17:22:10 No.2420178
File: 9_565_u18chan.jpg - (1.4mb, 2880x4000, 9.jpg)
>>2420177
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Furrynomous 2024/11/26 10:29:56 No.2420389
>>2420090
Oh, hi Tabby

Just to be clear: It is "fine" meaning you can understand what character says. Yet exact choice of words feels odd.
Feels here and there like it was translated from russian word by word (fellow russian native speaker)

But you can't really do that when translating actual dialogue, because people speak differently.

Better seek advise from native english speakers, preferrably someone with writing experience.
>>
Furrynomous 2024/11/26 10:44:33 No.2420392
>>2420389

advice not advise

Advise is to give advice or order, it's a weird slope sometimes.

Also welcome to the memehut Tabby, pleasure seeing you here. Best of luck with your comic!
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Furrynomous 2024/11/26 10:49:10 No.2420393
>>2420389
Yeah, I understand - it's maybe more or less fine for strictly porn comic pages (anyway it'll end up looking like Pskovskoe porno, lul), but not for real dialogues. I'll look into it, just need to find a writer (or force furry stuff onto one I have, who isn't into it - not sure if I'm that evil tho >:D)
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Furrynomous 2024/11/26 10:57:16 No.2420395
>>2420392
<3
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Furrynomous 2024/12/25 02:07:08 No.2426618
File: 10_47_u18chan.jpg - (4.81mb, 2880x4000, 10.jpg)

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Furrynomous 2024/12/25 02:07:18 No.2426619
File: 11_42_u18chan.jpg - (4.48mb, 2880x4000, 11.jpg)
>>2426618
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Furrynomous 2024/12/25 02:07:31 No.2426620
File: 12-1_0_u18chan.jpg - (3.98mb, 2880x4000, 12-1.jpg)
>>2426618
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Furrynomous 2024/12/25 02:07:41 No.2426621
File: 13_39_u18chan.jpg - (4.49mb, 2880x4000, 13.jpg)
>>2426618
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Bear 2024/12/25 02:37:33 No.2426625
When they took her temp I was honestly hoping they’d do a full body examination.
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Bear 2024/12/25 02:38:50 No.2426626
When they took her temp I was honestly hoping they’d do a full body examination.
>>
Hey Doctor Name Hidden 2024/12/26 01:57:04 No.2426775
Same here.
I'd want to have a full body exam if a female did me.
>>
Furrynomous 2024/12/27 20:22:43 No.2427102
Nah, I don't want to delay main events for too long, so a bit of pussy and bewbs, and we are rolling further >:3

Anyway it looks like I'll end up making like three different rounds of "fun" with different chars (but tex&loona in all of them), so no point in just teasing with nudes for many pages. Idk, I understand that I'm shooting my own leg by not making horny baits everywhere (like in digimongirl comic), but I want some realist-ish plot and emotions in my stuff.
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Take a shot TheSmartHyena 2025/01/25 12:29:46 No.2436162
File: take_a_shot15_u18chan.jpg - (806.43kb, 864x1200, take_a_shot15.jpg)
new pages
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Take a shot TheSmartHyena 2025/01/25 12:30:08 No.2436163
File: take_a_shot16_u18chan.jpg - (1.52mb, 1200x1667, take_a_shot16.jpg)
>>2436162
>>
Take a shot TheSmartHyena 2025/01/25 12:30:27 No.2436164
File: take_a_shot17_u18chan.jpg - (988.93kb, 864x1200, take_a_shot17.jpg)
>>2436162
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Take a shot TheSmartHyena 2025/01/25 12:31:33 No.2436165
File: take_a_shot18_u18chan.jpg - (796.53kb, 864x1200, take_a_shot18.jpg)
new pages
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Take a shot TheSmartHyena 2025/01/25 12:31:49 No.2436166
File: take_a_shot19_u18chan.jpg - (889.41kb, 864x1200, take_a_shot19.jpg)
>>2436165
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Furrynomous 2025/01/26 09:51:14 No.2436615
File: 144k_u18chan.jpg - (4.17mb, 2880x4000, 14+4k.jpg)

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Furrynomous 2025/01/26 09:51:24 No.2436616
File: 15_1056_u18chan.jpg - (9.9mb, 5760x8000, 15.jpg)
>>2436615
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Furrynomous 2025/01/26 09:51:35 No.2436617
File: 164k_u18chan.jpg - (5.01mb, 2880x4000, 16+4k.jpg)
>>2436615
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Furrynomous 2025/01/26 09:51:47 No.2436619
File: 174k_u18chan.jpg - (4.13mb, 2880x4000, 17+4k.jpg)
>>2436615
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Furrynomous 2025/01/26 09:52:04 No.2436620
File: 18t4k_u18chan.jpg - (4.56mb, 2880x4000, 18t+4k.jpg)
>>2436615
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Furrynomous 2025/01/26 17:23:05 No.2436745
Ayy new pages.
Also what the fuck is up with that ugly new site icon?
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Furrynomous 2025/01/28 10:22:26 No.2437032
>>2420175
Why should Verosika care about Loona again?
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Furrynomous 2025/01/28 11:02:59 No.2437041
>>2437032
Yeah, the plot is kinda all over the place and the bad English doesn't help, but the art is good so just kinda roll with it and savor the hellhound T&A.
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Furrynomous 2025/01/28 19:11:51 No.2437153
>>2437041
Any of you can always boop me in disc/tg if you want better english on new pages, lul

But T&A will be there in abundance I think - with some pauses for more bad plot and worse english ofc >:3

>>2437032
Tried to play out "solidarity of woman who also dealt with Blitz" card - because he is notorious for not giving a damn about feeling of other peeps (or so it was with Verosika). Bonus point is that Tex is friend with both Loona and Vero, and she is likely to be told that Loona is a good gal. Also Verosika doesn't seem to be "idgaf about everyone but closest to me" type of person (this one is out of my rear tbf).

It's all "a bit" of stretch, and I'd do it a bit differently as of now (initially plot was different) - but can't save 'em all. "First one is always a flop" and stuff.
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Furrynomous 2025/01/29 00:50:03 No.2437198
>>2437153
Did this idea come from before Bee's debut episode? Because in that case it makes sense and I can see Verosika getting involved because it would definitely piss of Blitz if Loona started seeing her like a cool aunt/older sister or whatever.
The point is that after Bee's debut she kind of took on the role of prying Loona out of her shell so it's a bit weird to see her only as a jealous posssesive girlfriend in this one.
Might have been a better idea to just put a disclaimer that the comic's cannon only goes as far as Episode so-and-so, but that might just be the hindsight talking.
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Furrynomous 2025/01/29 05:22:12 No.2437235
>>2437153
You're fine
I mean...
I've seen english native speakers with worse writing than this. If they aren't ashamed of it - then you shouldn't be either.

I am slighly put off by seeing Loona being soooo hungry for BBC (probably hungrier for BBC than in what Loonanudes does)

And maybe by downplaying Bee (assuming she had to be done like that just so the plot can happen)

But those are issues at the concept stage, that have nothing to do with dialogue wording.
Considering you aren't making porn for the sake of porn, and doing some actual story, it's not for nothing, and you have some kind of social commentary for us.
Really excited to learn what it will be.
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Furrynomous 2025/01/29 05:54:50 No.2437237
>>2437153

Seriously, the English is fine! Especially for a non-native speaker. And the art style really favors the characters well, I think!

Don't worry about it one bit!
>>
Furrynomous 2025/01/29 15:13:32 No.2437360
File: 10_50_u18chan.jpg - (698.09kb, 1364x1936, 10.jpg)
>>2437198
Yeah, I started concepting comic in August and forgot about new episodes until Mastermind got hyped up (imo - one of the best episodes, even tho I'm not into gay stuff, but holy shit). Maybe it was worth adding info about that, but I decided against such things. Mainly because my brain is wired more for tech stuff, so I could REALLY overdo it with being too specific and clear about every damn thing. And considering that most people do not really care about nuances and even characters/plot... Anyway there always will be some fuckups on my side - so I'd rather try to learn how to make my stuff look good, make it quicker, how to make not-so-bad overall plot and other stuff. Too much new things for me to do all of them good.

>>2437235
I don't really care or think about Tex being le bbc holder, lol. And I like really hungry girls sooo... Yeah. And Bee - yep, she is kinda OOC for now just for plot. I just needed her to be anxious and a bit distrustful to Loona.

Tho you could consider me downplaying her again for what happens later (w/o details - she still will distrustful to Loona in very important things, and more than fine with Tex's hookup). But I'm trying my best to not bend chars too much. And just so you know - Bee is my favorite char of the show (with Millie ofc). So if "downplaying" happens - it's just because I don't think that it makes her look BAD, more like not "idealized something" because of little to no screen time. I prefer chars to have some quirks, rather than to be sterile balls of fluff and happiness (also there are my kinks, lol).

And considering that starting point of comic was "Bee is crazy bitch and tells Tex to fuck off, while Loona is a mindless cockhungry beast cuz of le side effects of shot" (pic related)... But I really didn't want to go easy way and make another chatgpt-tier/e-hentai slop, so now we gonna have a bit of drama and some more lore being pulled right of my ass, kek.

>>2437237
Thank you so much! <3
I'm really trying to improve artstyle, cuz holy shit how butthurt I am about being unable to make aesthetically pleasing stuff, lol.
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Furrynomous 2025/01/30 03:51:33 No.2437486
>>2437360

"Trying" ? More like succeeding, to me! I love your artstyle :3
>>
Furrynomous 2025/01/30 06:32:20 No.2437522
>>2437486
Yeah, I'm the guy who nipicked over grammar and plot but even I think the art's great. That thermometer scene... :P~~~~

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