Cool beans. Good to have plan, or you get X-files syndrome where it just makes itself up as it goes along.
One tip I think would breathe life into your story: language.
You need to polarise and work on the voice of your characters. So far, they all sound the same - in other words they all have the voice of the author. Word-word-word, shit. Word-word-word, man. Man, shit, man, shit.
Check out something like Juno or Withnail and I. Everyone has a distinctive voice. Think of it like a script, and hide the names - you should know exactly who is speaking.
And try not to over-use names too much. No one really talks like that, though I get you need the exposition. "This dude is henry!!!". Get it. :)
So...yeah. I should probably use my constructive powers for the forces of good now.
Edited at 2017/08/18 11:44:39
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