>>2489509
The mod Said they were nuking the exchanges. I was willing to let it drop.
-Sigh- Okay, so I’m totally willing to take this to the “discussions page,” like the mod suggested, but honestly, I have a hunch you won’t even bother to engage me there. It feels kinda pointless, ya know? No matter how many times I break it down, you just refuse to get it because you’re so focused on getting the last word.
So, I’m just gonna bow out. After this last bit, I’m done. You can have your final say.
When you’re a grown-ass man, standing on your own two feet, and you’re not some opportunistic, manipulative, sympathy-seeking dumpster fire, you actually stick to your word with real action—not just half-hearted crap. You don’t write cryptic letters or play “Whodini” and then vanish. You speak your mind, clearly and directly, with your WHOLE CHEST. “No” is a complete sentence. What you don’t do is couch-surf at yet another friend’s place, moving from one ex to another, then to a friend, freeloading off anyone who’ll take pity on you—never trying to get your own place—and only bailing when someone asks for honest participation and/or real commitment. Remember Cooper and Chelsea’s relationship was rocky before he threw his tongue down And’s throat at the New Year’s party, for the same reasons.
Instead, you find a way to make your own money. If your internship isn’t paid, you get a second or third job to make ends meet while building your career. You talk to your boss, like a whole-ass man, and ask for help. You look into government assistance that your taxes—when you’re employed—pay for. And this is all assuming you don’t have family to go back to.
What you don’t do is hang around town—or, in a big city, around areas—where all the old stuff from the life you claim you want to leave behind, and the people you no longer want to associate with, are lurking around every corner. You definitely don’t show up “freezing” in the back of a pickup truck behind a supermarket—you know full well that your “crazy, obsessed, deranged psycho” ex frequently shops there.
But you know what? Let’s just take your whole argument to its logical conclusion for a second. Basically, for you, Andy is an unhinged stalker and an abusive ex—so let’s unpack that, shall we?
I don’t even know how many women deal with domestic violence, stalkers, and all the violence, fear, and heartache that come with it. Many end up in prison; many more are dead. I know this reality firsthand because my stepfather was such a man. When I was a teenager, years after my biological father died, my mom and I wound up in the NYC homeless shelter system for years to get away from my abusive stepfather. So, I’m speaking from experience when I say: the ones who got out—when they truly had “enough”—they meant it.
They left town. They didn’t hang around in places where their abusive partner could “just find” them. They cut off contact with “unsafe” people. They obtained legal documents like restraining orders. Many changed identities. This is exactly what you see in films like “Enough,” “Sleeping with the Enemy,” “Hidden Away,” and “Safe Haven.” Even Tina Turner famously did these things when she left Ike after decades of abuse. Can you guess what they all have in common? The person seeking change completely left the situation. It was then up to the stalker to find them—literally, because they were actively looking.
You’d only be right about Andy if Cooper had simply moved two towns over, or 100 miles away, or to a completely new city or town, whether he changed his identity or not. Then, if Andy showed up one day and dragged him back “home,” you’d have a point.
But remember what I said about grown-ass men? When you’re a grown man, no one can force you to do anything. A man would have chosen to freeze if he didn’t want Andy’s “help” or interference. There’s no “letting him” do anything.
What? Did Andy kidnap Cooper? Did Andy have a gun to his head? No, no, I get it. Even though Cooper has been bigger and stronger than Andy their whole lives, Andy ate some spinach, got Popeye’s muscles, and suddenly strong-armed bullied poor, helpless Cooper back to his place, locked him up, and swallowed the key? No, no—here’s the real story: Andy is really Annie Wilkes, and Cooper is Paul Sheldon, tied to a bed, with Annie grabbing the axe to chop off Paul’s foot so he can’t run away. This is just an elaborate remake of Misery, right?
Oh, It goes without saying that Cooper bears no responsibility at all for having sex with Andy—because the birthday blowjob wasn’t the only time they were intimate. They shared a bed for Christ’s sake. But if Andy was led on by this, it’s not Cooper’s fault! It was a series of blameless acts he had no control over. Funny how he’s always strong enough to “top” Andy though innit?
From what I remember, Andy made “active”- penetrative overtures toward ‘ol Coop, but instead of using his words, Cooper chickened out —again—got scared about “being gay.”—again—. Just like he’s done so many times before at this point. And guess what? It’s old now.
I’m going to set my personal feelings aside and be all-inclusive here: just because you are a man who has sex with men doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay; but acting as a top in the encounter doesn’t make you “straight,” either.
For some reason, tops get respected and bottoms get ridiculed, but that’s a soapbox for another time.
In closing, I never said Andy was blameless. I have repeatedly said Andy his his own damage to deal with and that It all can’t be laid at Cooper’s door. I do, however, maintain that Cooper has cultivated, facilitated, and benefitted from the role that he has played in Andy’s spiral, which I will not further explain.. I’ll revisit a final point I made in an earlier exchange: “People who end their own lives and truly mean to do so are the ones you never see coming. They don’t broadcast it, and you only realize their intent after they’re gone. What they don’t do is make a half-assed attempt under a neon sign with an arrow pointing at them.” People who claim they want a new start in life actually make a new start. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
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